The moment you forget

Usually when a person wakes up they have those first few moments where they can't recall anything from the day before. Well that's how I woke up this morning. Surprisingly after falling asleep crying, I was able to get up, shower and then it hit me. Someone bombed the Boston Marathon yesterday. I had a headache yesterday afternoon and went to bed with it; woke up this morning feeling better. I have to wonder if I had this headache because I was emotionally wrecked by this occurrence.  I'm not crying for anyone I know, not that what happened isn't bad enough but it didn't affect me personally. I'm crying for those that I didn't know and how many people were hurt emotionally and physically yesterday. I know I hurt emotionally now. Boston has always held a special place in my heart. It's the city that gave me another 19 years with my  mommy. It's the place I look to for miracles. And it's the place that was saving my little cousin Mason. I couldn't help but feel relieved that Mason was home this week in Connecticut, but also embarrassed and ashamed that I valued my family's life over another families. My heart truly goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy. To my fellow bloggers in Mass, you are constantly in my thoughts and I hope this hasn't affected you personally. Especially, Jen Migonis. And to my friends in CT, hope none of you knew anyone at the race. Hope everyone's friends and families are safe. I just can't wrap my head around this. Runners are good people. They run for charities, they run to help save lives and yet yesterday someone took that away from them and even took the lives of a few. We have enough tragedy in the world with the diseases we face that we don't need this unnecessary tragedy so why does this occur. Why does this occur when a race is being run in honor of the 26 beautiful people who lost their lives tragically on 12/14 in Newtown, CT (the town my father has resided in for the past 20 years)? Why did this occur on Boston's day of celebration? Why did this occur at all?

I can't help but think about the world we live in. I'm not old but I do remember a time when life was better than this. When my mother could drop me and my friends off at the mall and not have to worry about the food court being bombed. Where I could go into Manhattan and be a buyer before the World Trade Center Explosion. Where I could take children to the movies and not look around the room for the man with the gun. What happened to that world? The world were kids (like myself once) played in the streets until the street lights came on. Where all the neighbors were friendly and knew everyone's kids. Where you could call your parents and say “okay to eat at Chrystina's house tonight?" and mom knew Chrystina and Chrystina's mom and dad and even Chrystina's grandmother and aunts. The world has changed and not for the better. Now, most parents don't know their children's friends. They don't know the parents of their children's friends. Kids can't play in the street anymore because no driver is careful (they are texting and driving, or under the influence, or just speeding along). There is no regard for humanity anymore. We lost all sense of hope for a brighter future. This world has become a place where we only worry about ourselves and our own and much like my first reaction yesterday we are all selfish. My initial reaction was my own were safe, thank god, but what about the families who were waiting for calls, who weren't safe...all that went out the window when my selfishness kicked in. What do we have to do to get back our humanity? What do we have to do to give the children of the future a better life? How can we stop this violence and disregard for humanity? How can we help the people affected yesterday heal?